I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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