I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
