i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
