you guys were way drunker than both of me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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