I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
