If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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