i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
