Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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