and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
