Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
