i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
