wrigley field is MILF paradise
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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