he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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