Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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