I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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