We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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