just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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