a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize