So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
