I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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