im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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