Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im holly from the hills drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
