never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
