I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
