he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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