The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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