Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
