I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
