I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
