Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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