I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
