Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
