Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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