I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
