So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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