'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We need to get me chipped asap
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
