They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
