I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
