Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
