I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
