So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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