plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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