come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
