im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
