Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
