Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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