this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
