This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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