just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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