you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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