We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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