Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
