I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
