Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
