I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then he peed in my hair
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