Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
