Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
