it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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