Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
