Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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