Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
