I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
