this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
