***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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