I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
