I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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