is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
