I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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