I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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