yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
