Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
