he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
