So drunk its hurt
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
