Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
