I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize