Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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