Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
