gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
